I’ve recently begun recruiting for my upcoming men’s process group focused on sex and anxiety and have been fielding questions from men who have never joined a group before and weren’t sure what to expect. I get it, I’m asking anxious people to take a leap by joining a group. In this post, I want to address some common concerns about joining a men's group thereby giving you a clearer understanding of what to expect and potentially dispel some myths.
I also want to be clear that I can’t speak for all groups since there is such a variety to how groups are structured and facilitated. I hope this post gives you a little more clarity on men’s groups.
1. What are Men's Groups?
Men’s Groups are facilitated meetings where like-minded men or men facing similar issues and challenges can regularly come together to share support. These groups are generally facilitated by a trained therapist or a trained peer counselor. Groups can either have a general focus or a specific focus like gay/bi/queer men, recovery, chronic health issues, or sex anxiety.
2. Why would I want to join a Men's Group?
Online men’s groups are great opportunities for men to seek out structured support, and socializing. Loneliness has been a pervasive issue for men and it’s only gotten worse since the pandemic.
Men’s groups are great places to encourage social support, interact with others, process similar life experiences, and practice being vulnerable with yourself and others. This is a place where you can express yourself without concern of what your family or friends will think.
Men’s groups also challenge the stereotypes of what it means to “be a man.” A recent study showed that conforming to stereotyped male gender norms is strongly associated with depression.
3. How do I find the right group for me
You can search online through sites like Therapy Den, ask your therapist, or learn more about the group I will be offering. What is also important is finding the group focus and facilitator that fits your needs. It’s common for people seeking therapy to reach out and have a consultation with the therapist to see if they’re a good fit. I recommend reaching out to do just that to see if you think you’ll get along with the facilitator.
4. What should I expect at my first meeting?
Joining an unknown group can be anxiety-provoking, especially when you’re going to address your own anxiety. Here’s what you can expect.
Typically there is a process to joining a group that includes:
Initial phone consultation
To get a sense of the personality of the group facilitator, learn more about the focus and structure of the group, and share what you are seeking in a group with the facilitator.
0-3 intake sessions
The number of sessions varies per facilitator and group. These are designed to get an extensive overview of your history, mental health, relationship experiences, and go over in more detail what the group will look like.
If both of you agree to continue, then you’ll attend the first meeting.
First group meeting
Some groups are time-limited and will start and stop with the same members. Other groups are considered on-going where participants may vary over time. The first meeting generally includes introductions and learning about any group rules. You will also be getting a sense of the vibe of the group, participants and facilitator. You may begin to get a sense of if you’ll feel comfortable in the group. Just remember that it’s totally common to get anxious when starting a group, especially if it’s already established. Feel free to name how you’re feeling in the group, you may be in good enough hands.
5. How will joining a Men's Group help me in my life and relationships with other people?
Such groups can help guys work through the toxic pressures they have received all their life to “man up” and figure things out for themselves. Mens groups allow you the opportunity to ask and receive support from others, while also improving your ability to slow down and self-reflect. Practicing self awareness and self reflection can help with impulse control issues like substance use or anger.
6. Can you recommend any specific groups or resources for men looking to join one of these groups?
Finding the right therapist or group therapist can definitely feel daunting. Since the beginning of the pandemic there’s been a lot of focus on developing websites and apps to help people find therapist.
You can check out listing sites like Therapy Den or Inclusive Therapist Network.
If you’re in California feel free to reach out and learn about groups and other offerings I have. Send me a quick note here and I’ll get back to you.
Overall, Men’s Groups can be an excellent resource for social and emotional support and a wonderful supplement to individual and relationship therapy. As men, we’re socialized to tackle life on our own. I call bullshit. It’s killing us and hurting those around us. Don’t suffer in silence. Reach out to someone today.
Other Offerings:
Want to learn more about how anxiety hurts your sex life? I’m hosting a mini workshop to help people learn how anxiety impacts their experience in dating, leading up to sex, and during sex. I’m hosting it over zoom on December 21st and 23rd at 4:30pm PST.
This will be the start of my workshop series on sex and anxiety called “Anxiously Intimate” where we’ll cover various aspects of sex and anxiety, starting with the foundation of how sex is impacted by anxiety.
I’m giving readers of my newsletter 40% OFF my workshop with coupon code NEWS40.